Score:5, Offtopic

It's my blog. The name is a reference to a quirk in the Slashdot moderation system that allows a post to have a negative (in this case, offtopic) moderation, but be scored 5, the maximum positive score. Basically, there's no point to it, but it may be good. There'll be all sorts of computer crap in here...

2005-06-19

A variation on Ladder Theory that makes sense

A Corollary to the Ladder Theory -- Applications to Nerds
Finally - the Ladder Theory makes sense! Of course, it took reworking the whole thing...

Basically, this corollary discusses the issues that "nerds" have with relationships, and how to apply Ladder Theory in that case. (nerds are, for the purposes of that article, defined as: "They're smart and a little awkward socially; still, they shower regularly and have friends and know that girls won't be impressed by an extensive knowledge of cheat codes for the TurboGrafx 16 (God rest its soul). They'd like nothing more than to treat a girlfriend to a birthday dinner in a nice restaurant or go on a romantic walk through the gently falling snow. They're careful about what they say and genuinely respect women. In short, nice guys." - geek is the word that I would use in this situation, and I am one)

The first thing it does? Throw out large parts of Ladder Theory. In fact, it quite simply throws out the same parts that I had torn apart in my last blog entry. It focuses on relationships between "nerds", but some of it probably still applies if there's only one "nerd" involved.

Anyway, my favorite part, because I COMPLETELY understand it
Correspondingly, he reads far more into her every action than he should. Invited her to a movie and she didn't seem very enthusiastic? “Further proof that she has no interest!” She invites you over to “hang out”? “Ohmygodmaybethiswillbeit!!!!”

Heh. I know that feeling... Of course, us geeks being overanalytical as it is, when something's THAT CLOSE to our hearts, it sends us into overdrive. Attempting to analyze where this one girl stood when it came to me took up all of my thought processes - I could watch my grades slip a percentage point here, a percentage point there as the runaway process (running at nice -20, no less) ate away all of my brainpower. It nearly killed me analyzing where I went wrong when she rejected me (partially because I had slipped into a depression, but that's a whole 'nother story).

It also goes into detail about how the nice guys CAN get the girls. First, it debunks the "fact" in the original Ladder Theory that says that only assholes and rich guys can get the girls, and therefore, to get girls, a nice guy must become an asshole. You see, it's not that us geeks are not appealing to the geeky girls. It's that we don't have the balls to ask said geeky girls out, and they're afraid as well. It REALLY doesn't help when one is morbidly afraid of rejection - as I was. I eventually did ask this girl out, and got rejected. It's just the best of feelings to fall flat on your face, now, isn't it? However, my main problem is that even though I did ask her out, I had ZERO confidence whatsoever. I was EXPECTING to fall flat on my face - and I think it showed.

Now, as for the one tenet of Ladder Theory they left standing:
a man cannot have a normal friendship with a woman he's attracted to.

(my emphasis)
I agree to an extent. A normal friendship is nearly impossible. However, I've heard of too many cases of successful friendships, and not the so-called "intellectual whore" relationships, either, in which one party was STRONGLY interested in the other, but the feelings weren't mutual, to say that it's impossible. Heck, I'm working on being one of those success stories. I recognize that she's a DAMN good friend, and I need to keep as many good friends as possible. If that means keeping my feelings for her from getting in the way, it means keeping my feelings for her from getting in the way. It's as simple as that (well, I know, easier said than done...)

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